Near Death Expirences
by lovely rubber boots
Summary: “Seriously, Al. there’s nothing sexier to a girl than your impending death. Or hers, even,” James explained. Albus just stared at his brother, who'd obviously gone crazy.
1. Chapter 1

**Near Death Expirences**

**by: Lovelyrubberboots**

**Disclaimer: if you recognize it I don't own it.**

**Thank you in advance for reading _and_ reveiwing.**

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"Al, let me tell you something about girls," this was normally when Albus stopped listening. His brother, James, would throw his arm over Albus's shoulder and give him a lecture on the inner minds of girls. While James talked Albus would go over the twelve uses of dragon's blood, or think about his class and his homework. When James was done, Albus would normally nod and thank James for the advice that he had not listened to. Generally speaking, for Al's purposes, James was the worst person to go to for advice about girls. If you wanted one date, James was the one to go to, but if, like Albus, you wanted a second, third or even fourth date, you didn't go to James. You went to Louis or Teddy, or even Molly who seemed to know a lot about how to get a girl. If you were really desperate for advice you could fall back on Paul Longbottom's advice of 'just smile and kiss her on the cheek'.

"Al, if you really want to snag a girl, a near death experience is the way to go. Girls love it when you nearly die," James said, and Al couldn't help but to listen. Where on earth did this come from?

Albus couldn't even think of what to say to this, so instead he just looked at his brother. James gave him a little nod and a soft, brotherly smile.

"Seriously, Al. there's nothing sexier to a girl than your impending death. Or hers, even," again Albus just stared at James.

"And you think this because…?" Albus asked, more convinced than he ever had been before that his brother was crazy. He'd officially taken one too many bludgers to the head.

"Lucy told me this theory," ah, that explained it. If it had come to James from Lucy it probably wasn't credible. Lucy had the intelligence of a Ravenclaw and the everything else of a Slytherin. It was hard not to believe her when she said something, because she read so much and had such an air of confidence about her. It was rare that Lucy lied to anyone, the exception being James. Ever since they were children she'd been able to convince James of almost anything. Apparently she could still do it when they were both sixteen. "She wasn't kidding Al. It makes so much sense!" James had practically read Al's mind. "Think about it for a moment," James told Albus.

After a few moments James spoke again.

"See?" he asked, excitedly.

"No," Albus responded. James shook his head sadly.

"Al, think about Teddy's year at Hogwarts! It was HUGE," James emphasized 'huge', "There was double the amount of students than usual – because of the war!" James explained, "Grandma and Grandpa got married in a war, so did Uncle Bill and Auntie Fleur," James was speaking faster now, the excitement was evident in his voice, "Uncle Ron always said that he realized he loved Aunt Hermione when he thought he was about to die, and Mom said she realized she loved Dad when she was in the chamber! And Rose! She and Scorpius started dating after he fell from his broom stick that one time," James proceeded to ramble of several more examples of people falling in love and getting married when they were in mortal danger.

After James had finished Albus spoke, "Yeah, so?".

"So, if I want Beatrice to date me, I need to have a near death experience!" James rolled his eyes and got up to head out of the common room.

"Oh, ok," Albus said, watching his brother leave the room. After a few moments a look of horror came over his face, "Wait! James! What are you going to do?!" Albus asked, running after his brother.

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Albus was seated next to his brother in the Hospital Wing. James was pathetic. His 'near death experience' had resulted in a broken arm, a dented suit of armor, a heavily bruised ego and not even a second glance from Beatrice.

"Have you learned anything from this?" Albus asked.

"Yeah," James said. Just as Albus was starting to feel like maybe his brother was gaining some sense, James continued talking, "Beatrice just isn't the girl for me. Holly, on the other hand…" James gestured to a box of chocolate and a card, "Well, we have a date for next weekend," James smiled happily.

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**_Anon reveiws allowed. Criticism (constructive or otherwise) welcomed, comments loved, reveiws of all sorts adored. THANK YOU_**

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	2. Chapter 2

**NEar Death Expirences**

**by: Lovelyrubberboots**

**Disclaimer: if you recognize it I don't own it.**

**Gracias to: Melonme23, who suggested I do a chapter where Albus tells Lily the theory.**

**GRAcias Also: TO ALL REVEIWS aka AWESOME PEOPLE. I love you.**

**Thank you in advance for reading _and_ reveiwing.**

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"So Lily," Al sat down across from her on the Hogwarts express, "What's going on with you and Thomas Wood?" he asked. The 'event' had happened a week ago, the last Quidditch game before the winter holiday. Between exams and clubs and friends he hadn't had a chance to talk to her. Two years ago, James had told Albus something that had rocked his world, but he hadn't felt the need to really use the information or share it.

"What do you mean?" Lily, a fourth year, asked popping a Chocolate Frog in her mouth, and looking at her sixth year brother. He had an odd expression on his face; it was like a mixture between sympathy and extreme interest.

"Well, at the Quidditch match I saw you watching him, you know, when he was falling. And then you went to go give him a card… He could have died, you know," Albus said, nodding slightly.

"Yeah. I know. It was so scary. Everyone in the crowd was holding their breath," Lily said, remembering the frightful day when Thomas Wood was hit off his broomstick by two bludgers at once. Strangely enough only one of the Beaters had been his from the Slytherin tem. The other had been mis-hit by the Gryffindor Beater.

"Yes. And then you gave him a card," Albus said, "After he nearly died,"

"Well, yeah," Lily rolled her eyes, "That's what you do when someone almost dies; you give them a card. And let me tell you it was hard to do – he had about fifty of them by the time I got there,"

Albus had really only heard the first part. His sister had given Thomas a get-well card! Little Lily was in love!

"Oh Lily," he said with a slightly sappy look on his face. Albus had been skeptical of the idea at first, that near-death experiences made people fall in love, but had grown less skeptical with more evidence. Not only was there grandma and grandpa, Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur, his own Parents, Teddy's parents (or so he'd been told), Rose and Scorpius, James and Holly, Uncle Ron and Aunt Herminone, but there were other couples outside his own family, like the woman who owned Madame Puddifoot's (her husband had to be bitten by a dragon before she fell in love with him) and, of course, Hannah and Professor Longbottom. "Lily, you're in love!" Albus explained, making a mental note to threaten Thomas Wood, while also congratulating them.

"What?" Lily almost shouted.

"Well, he almost died. And you brought him a card and people always fall in love after near death experiences," Albus went on to explain the theory to Lily, leaving out that James had first heard it from Lucy. Lily just stared at him dumbly.

"That's a load of Dragon's Poo," she told him, finally, rolling her eyes, "There are loads of examples of people falling in love with near-death experiences and people not falling in with them! Uncle Percy and Aunt Audrey did get together because either of them almost died, and look at Aunt Herminone and dad. Dad has almost died LOADS of times and every time Aunt Herminone was there by his bedside helping him get better. And they're not in love," Lily crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Oh," Albus said. After he'd thought about the theory some more he had almost believed it, but now, Lily was ripping it apart.

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That night after a large dinner with just James, his parents and Lily they'd all headed to the Burrow for dessert and drinks. While Albus normally looked forward to these meetings, he was especially looking forward to seeing Lucy and telling her that her theory was wrong. It wasn't often he got to prove Lucy wrong.

After hugging his grandparents, Lucy was the first person he went to. She was standing near the fireplace, clutching a large goblet of wine.

"Hi Lucy," Albus said.

"Happy Holidays!" she said to him cheerfully; he could tell she was already on her second goblet of wine.

"Lucy, you know your theory that near-death experiences make people fall in love?" he asked.

"That's not my theory. My theory is that people realize they're in love much faster when someone's about to die," Lucy interrupted him. Albus paused, thinking about what she'd just said.

"Oh," he couldn't probe that wrong, not without thinking about it first.

"Well?" she demanded.

"Nevermind,"

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